Craft an intentional 1:1 format to build stronger relationships
Part 3: My personal user guide for 1:1s
When I was first starting out in my career, each 1:1 provoked a ton of anxiety. My managers had set the expectation that it was on me to put together an agenda each week, but I didn’t have much guidance as to what information would be helpful to cover on a regular basis, or what format to use.
With the benefit of more experience and now with a managerial lens, I see 1:1s as some of the most important meetings I have each week. They are an opportunity to:
Connect with each person personally and develop the relationship (and trust!) needed to sustain each other and the business.
Share context and align on priorities.
Welcome to Part 3 of my meeting mini-series, with practical tips on how to run better meetings. Today’s post is all about my personal approach to 1:1s.
Here’s a quick refresher on the series and what to expect:
Part 1: RESET - Structurally refreshing your meeting culture
Part 2: RUN - Tactical advice for how to run effective meetings
Part 3: DEVELOP - Tips for getting the most out of 1:1s 👈 You are here!
Recently, I’ve been thinking more about how to provide more clarity and “make the implicit explicit.” In the context of 1:1s, I realized that I had some strong, unvoiced takes on the format! However, I had never formally documented them… until now. :)
The following is the personal user guide on my approach to 1:1s that I shared with my team. As you read it, my advice would be to think through “What of this resonates? What doesn’t?,” and then create your own guide! (Here’s the Notion version, if you want a quick template to duplicate.)
Here goes:
A guide to my approach on 1:1s
Hello! If you are reading this, it’s likely because we are working closely together and have weekly touchpoints scheduled. The below is a living document of my personal philosophy on 1:1s and how we can make the most of our time together. ✨
Why have 1:1s?
I've found that the weekly touchpoint helps us stay in close flow on progress, challenges, and career discussions. Also, as a remote-first company without IRL watercooler run-ins, it's nice to have time carved out to check-in with each other on multiple dimensions, from work to life.
How often should we have 1:1s?
Folks who've worked with me for a while know that I am always looking for ways to reduce the number of standing meetings on the cal. However, our 1:1s are decidedly NOT one of those! :) I expect us to have weekly 1:1s, usually around 30 min. I will do my best to make sure that we keep the times consistent so we can both plan; however, if rescheduling is needed from either side, let's try to keep it rescheduled for the same week.
What should we discuss? Should we have an agenda?
There are various philosophies on how to spend 1:1 time. Some people prefer for it to be 100% employee-driven, and are cool with it being totally unstructured. Other people see the personal life check-in as a waste of time and would rather spend the time as a dedicated working session.
My personal take: I like to take a hybrid approach, where we spend the first few minutes checking-in with each other on how things are going (work and life), before moving on to a pre-set agenda of high-leverage topics.
I find that the personal check-in helps us both better understand any work/life context that may impact our work together and — more importantly — helps us continue to develop our relationship.
At the same time, I also strongly prefer to see an agenda of topics to discuss in our shared 1:1 doc, at least a few hours in advance. You will frequently see me add items that come to mind throughout the week, and I'd encourage you to do the same as well. Doing a little bit of prepwork will help us ensure we're tackling the most important topics every week.
Every quarter, I'd also like to align on your work goals — usually project-based plans that are typically tied to larger company goals and priorities. In addition, I want to check-in on your top 3-5 personal goals and how I might be able to support you in achieving them. Personal goals are things that you personally spend your time on (vs. the broader team), and can involve things such as "I want to further develop my skills in [x]" or include lifestyle goals like "I want to make sure I get outside for a walk every day." As you continue to develop in your career, I'd love to be an accountability buddy for making sure you get the time, space, and support you need to grow.
What to talk about, when?
In terms of what to talk about, I think our agendas can span a range of topics, including:
Understanding what's top of mind for you
Learning more about what you're super excited about, or conversely (and hopefully very infrequently) anything that's causing you to lose sleep
Reviewing strategy + making decisions on next steps
Brainstorming solutions to roadblocks or solving day-to-day challenges
Understanding what gives you energy (and what takes it away)
Feedback on how to improve things (whether related to a process, project, team, or the company)
Feedback for each other
Career development
Anything else on your mind
In the course of our discussion, you'll likely hear me ask a lot of questions to develop a better understanding of the issue and context, as well as what potential solutions could be. And when you share something for review, I'd love your input on:
What level of feedback you're looking for at this point? (e.g. broad strokes, final pass, etc.)
What role you want me to play for a topic? (Listen, advise, fix?)
One of the things I'm working on is ensuring that we all develop our intuition for making decisions quickly. To that end, I am always up for brainstorming options together and being a sounding board for ideas (especially for hairy issues!), but would also love to hear your recommendations for what to do.
Finally, in terms of what NOT to cover live — I'm a strong believer in covering FYIs/ quick updates async so that we can spend our synchronous time together on the most high-leverage topics. Updates that are better left for async can include things such as:
Project updates + status
Vacation / OOO FYI
Feedback and accountability
Someone once told me that "all souls are here to grow." As a big believer in continuous growth and development, my hope is that with regular feedback, we can help each other grow! In working together, I promise that I will share regular feedback on what's going well and what's not, and also ask that you do the same for me.
In our 1:1s specifically, I'd like there to be space for us to each ask weekly, "What feedback do you have for me?"
My approach to feedback, both positive and constructive:
Whenever possible, I try to provide feedback in real-time. (e.g. be generous with praise and, conversely, don't let things fester!)
I try to provide specific examples as a frame of reference, as well as the perceived impact.
I always share with a positive intent and with wanting to improve our relationship.
If you have a preferred format of receiving feedback (or triggers for how NOT to deliver feedback), please let me know so I can adjust my delivery! And I will do the same for you. (Generally speaking, I'm a huge fan of the radical candor approach.)
Last thoughts
We spend so much of our lives working, so let's make sure our time together is both fulfilling and fun! 1:1s are a cornerstone of making sure we develop the type of relationship, rapport, and trust needed to make that happen. I'm grateful for all of you. LFG! 🚀
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! What resonated and didn’t? What other tips have worked for you in 1:1s?
Until next time,
Julia